Shiey poetry

 staring into nothing but the dark of the night  my heart felt darker than the space between my bed, where I lay, and  where I imagined the ceiling was set  my heart beat raced , faster than my damaged mind could tell I was having one more of those panic attacks , for the fourth or fifth or who knows what time , I'd lost track of it  12 am ,  it always struck at midnight , more like an alarm to remind me how unworthy and messed up I really was , perfect , just what I needed , pain and more pain  for minutes or maybe hours I froze , staring , lost , my thoughts louder than the only sounds in that dark lonely room ; my heavy breathing and crazy heart beat , I wished it could stop then I'd be numb forever  my screams stuck deep in my throat , my mouth wide open wanting to call out maybe someone would save me from all this misery  my hands lay limp on my side I couldn't reach for the light switch , my legs even heavier there was no running , the ...

 "...do all those things you said would have me going..." listening to the lyrics of the song 'promises' by wiz khalifa , this specific line always got to me  your graceful calm face singing along to the lyrics a picture I couldn't erase , my mind raced , back to when we were , back to when I'd hold you and tell you how I'll never let you go , back to when your deep laughter was a pill I was willing to take forever and now you're gone forever  I'd want to reach out to you , to tell you how much I love you , to ask you why you left and what you so wanted to say while you held my hand on your death bed , but what would I reach out to ? your ghost? do ghosts even exist or you ceased to exist the moment I dropped my mould of soil down your grave ,, will you be on the other side waiting for me or were you reincarnated and maybe we will meet  again and you will get to fulfill your promise , the promise to put a ring on my finger , travel the world and cr...

 someone asked me what love is  still haven't figured it out yet but it's something close to  a connection forged out of respect and understanding , the willingness to compromise for someone else just because their happiness matters more  than our own desires , it's the sleepless nights and trouble we go through when that someone is either in some sort of trouble , ailing or just unreachable and we can't find peace until they're back in our arms safe , it is the laughter and those moments we feel so whole and content when connecting with them , it is that void we feel when they're a bit far or haven't texted or called and we feel so desparate to reach out to them , it's those moments when we feel like they're the only thing in the world we want , it's that secret spark that we feel when they say something sweet or look at us some typa way or just triggered by their smile , voice , scent or a simple thought  love is the choice to be vulnerable to ...