Reminiscent Regrets

 Horror . 

It is written all over .

Tiny pieces of glass lying dangerously  around feet 

blood gushing out of tiny hands 

running down a now broken mirror 

the impact of repeated ramming on the mirror 

a white satin night dress stained red 

one sleeve hanging by the shoulder 

messy hair and a face spelling a familiar pain .

A pain I've felt one too many times 

disappointment , a broken promise , shattered dreams , a glowing heart dimmed in seconds like a light switched off .

Your words repeatedly running in my mind and it feels like a million needles pricking my skin.

The reflection staring back at me too much I turn off the lights 

lights on , lights out doesn't make a difference .

The feeling of dread and hate crowding every part of me .

My hands can't hold the shame nor can they hold me together 

and I crumble into a helpless mess 

my knees giving in and my numb toes can't seem to stand the pain 

I feel the broken glass pieces sink in my flesh as I hit the ground and I know I should dress them before I bleed to death but can't

I feel warm drops fall on my thighs, too dark to tell if they're tears or more blood 

at this point it doesn't really matter, I'd probably not tell even with enough lighting , the tears and blood must have mixed to a lighter shade of red, laughing at how miserable I am .

I feel light headed but can't master enough courage to face me nor strength to reach out and turn on the lights .

Images run through my mind so fast I can't tell if they're real or hallucinations .Probably the latter.

A light , a familiar voice in the background , fast loud steps the kind made when someone's running , a sharp pain as something comes in contact , a compelling face one I hate and love so much , one I want to caress and scratch at the same time ,

this must be death . I've read about it in a few books how images play like a movie before eyes shut and the soul moves to purgatory or wherever .

Stupid that even on my last minute I still see you, I snoff despite the pain 

I lift my hand to touch your face one more time but you fade away and a blackout hits .

My eyes hurt thanks to the bright light ,  how lucky, I made it to heaven . It shouldn't feel like this though , I thought it was all good vibes and praise, that doesn't match the pain I feel .

Things slowly come into focus , the beeping of a machine , a lady in a white lab coat holding a flashlight , a doctor , makes sense . A nurse replacing an empty IV drip with a full one . A flower vase with roses 'sterling silver' kind on a table next to the window ,

only one person knows how much I love those , warm hands hold mine and I'm scared to look at them , to look in his eyes and have a replay of our last meeting . He can't be here .

I turn left and there's a huge smile facing me , I don't miss the tiny lines of worry by the edge of the lips . I smile back, relief flooding my being .

" Hey dummy! seems like the biggest headache in my life is back " he makes a 'what in the heavens' face then laughs .

Not the face I was expecting but one worth seeing , I titter, my brother sitting there all worried but still putting on a show ," you know it wouldn't hurt to say you love me and how worried you were , right ?" 

" I would rather...." 

The rest of his statement fades as the door opens and there he is as handsome as ever , his being filling the doorway , the scent of his cologne flooding my nose , the mixture of relief and worry on his face filling my eyes with tears .

I feel overwhelmed , happy that he's here but still angry . unable to decide if I love or hate him .

One thing is clear though I will do this again , even if it almost killed me .

The demon is back in my life and I stretch out both my arms to welcome him . 

😂 be warned , stay out of a narcissists path , that's self destruction not love . 

_Shiey