A Letter To My Younger Self

 Dear younger self, the one I can't say I really knew. The one I ignored and kept hidden. Changing faces/phases like those of the moon until I wasn't sure who you really were.

Today, I want to know you, I want to know every bit about you. How you laugh, I think loud defines you or maybe slightly modest, I've seen these two versions but can't tell which one is a camouflage and which one is you. I think you let different people define you, how you should think, who  should associate with, what you should or not eat. You, love, have always been a shadow, changing to fit in all kind of environments, you let everyone script your life because you did not know any other way to live and feel loved, you sought comfort in the wrong places and held on to the wrong ideologies.

Sometimes I wonder, all kind of wild thoughts like could you have been a christian if you weren't born into a christian family? or could you have been any less uptight if you weren't punished anytime you tried figuring it out on your own? So, tell me love, what has this made you? Who are you? Where do I begin to understand you?

Younger self, I want to change our narrative. Today, all those that defined your life are nowhere in sight and they took your forged personality with them, leaving a shell. An unwritten book with an author who doesn't know how to spell but she's learning, she's creating, they might have taken everything else but she still has her mind and spirit. 

So, dear younger self, I promise you a transformation, I promise to figure you out, I promise to build a phenomenal woman out of you, one who is defined by nobody but herself because love, you are all you got. 

Love, future self.