Was It Beautiful?

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Was it beautiful? 

The number of times I have given this an attempt probably indicates that it wasn't. It never has been. But it wasn't all ugly. I look in the mirror and appreciate the person I am, the result of all those ugly moments. It built me but it also broke me. It breaks me everyday. 

I am a collection of every place I have been, every person I have loved, every emotion I have felt, every heart I have touched and maybe that counts as beautiful. A piece of art forged from broken pieces, some colorful and some not the shade I would have chosen.

On some days these pieces shatter leaving an empty shell, on these days I am reminded that maybe I wasn't meant for this world, he who fathered me one said I was a mistake, a happy mistake he corrected. A paradox and maybe that's one of the reasons why nothing makes sense. Maybe that is why I have to constantly fight for a place in a world that wasn't meant for me. Maybe that's why I am so perfect in doing the right thing, saying the right words, filling the puzzle exactly as is expected. But maybe that is also why I am so flawed, so broken, so out of place because maybe it shouldn't be scripted. Maybe I should have had a chance to write it all differently. To be a person of my own choosing, to walk my own path.

Maybe then I would have easily said, yes, it was beautiful. And maybe someday I can say, it was everything I prayed for and so much more.


Comments

  1. AnonymousJune 2, 2024 at 10:59 AM

    Oh hunnie!

    ReplyDelete
  2. RaineJune 2, 2024 at 1:04 PM

    Love love love this!!
    You're a brilliant and authentic writer Shiey☺️ Here to watch you grow your art🥳

    ReplyDelete

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